There’s a quiet myth that cunnilingus is something you either know how to do naturally or you don’t. That’s not true. Like any skill that builds connection, it’s learned through attention, patience, and real feedback-not movies or guesswork. The goal isn’t to perform a checklist of moves. It’s to make someone feel seen, safe, and deeply turned on. And yes, that’s possible-even if you’ve never done it before.
Start with communication, not technique
Before you even get close, talk. Not about what you think they want. Talk about what feels good to them. Ask open questions: "What do you like when we’re kissing?" or "Do you prefer slow or faster when it’s just your clit?" Don’t assume because they moan during a certain move that it’s their favorite. People often say "yes" to please their partner. Instead, ask for specifics. One woman told me she hates when people lick the very top of her clit-it’s too sensitive. But she loves when pressure is applied just below it, with a slow circular motion. That’s the kind of detail that turns good into unforgettable.Preparation matters more than you think
This isn’t about hygiene in a clinical way. It’s about comfort. Make sure both of you are relaxed. If they’ve just come from work, had a long day, or are feeling self-conscious, no technique will fix that. A warm shower together, lighting a candle, or even just holding hands for five minutes before anything else can reset the mood. Avoid strong flavors-garlic, onions, spicy food-right before. Alcohol can dull sensation, so keep it light. And if you’re worried about taste, a quick rinse with water is fine. No mouthwash. No scented products. Their body doesn’t need to smell like a perfume ad. It needs to smell like them.Start slow. Really slow.
Don’t rush to the clit. Begin with gentle kisses on the inner thighs. Slow, lazy laps of your tongue along the outer lips. Let them adjust. Let them breathe. Watch their face-not just their reactions, but their breathing. If they’re holding their breath, you’re going too fast. If their hips start to rock, you’re on the right track. Use your lips more than your tongue at first. The lips are softer, more sensitive. They can create a gentle suction that feels like a caress, not a lick. Your tongue? Save it for when they’re ready.Learn the anatomy-not from diagrams, but from touch
The clit isn’t just a tiny button. It’s a whole system. The external part is maybe the size of a pea, but internally, it branches out like a wishbone, extending nearly 4 inches. Most of the pleasure comes from stimulating those internal arms. That’s why pressing gently on the pubic bone while licking the clit can feel incredible-it’s indirect pressure on the deeper tissue. The hood? That’s the natural cover. Don’t force it back. Let it retract naturally as they get aroused. If you pull it back too early, it can feel painful. Let their body show you what it needs.
Use your hands, not just your mouth
One hand on their hip, the other tracing their stomach or brushing their inner thigh. Touch is as important as taste. Sometimes, a slow finger rubbing the perineum (the area between the vulva and anus) can make their whole body shake. Or, gently pressing two fingers just inside the vaginal opening while licking the clit creates a beautiful contrast of pressure and texture. You don’t need to be doing two things at once. Just one hand, in rhythm with your mouth, can deepen the sensation. And if they’re not ready for penetration? Don’t push it. Focus on the clit, the hood, the outer lips. Many people climax from external stimulation alone.Listen to their body-not just their voice
Moans are great. But the real clues are in the silence. A sudden stillness. A deep inhale. A shift in weight. A twitch in the toes. These are signals. If they go quiet, it might mean they’re close. If they start pushing your head gently away, it might mean they need a pause. If they arch their back, that’s a yes. If they tense up, slow down. You’re not performing. You’re responding. Every person is different. One might love a quick flick, another needs a slow, steady roll. There’s no universal rhythm. You have to feel it.Don’t chase orgasm like a finish line
Too many people treat cunnilingus like a race to climax. That’s not intimacy. That’s pressure. Sometimes, the most unforgettable moments happen when you stop trying to make them come. When you just keep going because it feels good-not because you’re trying to earn approval. Let them guide the pace. If they say "keep going," keep going. If they say "slower," slow down. If they say "stop," stop. The best experiences aren’t measured in orgasms. They’re measured in trust. In the way someone relaxes into you. In the quiet after, when they don’t say anything but just rest their head on your shoulder.
