When it comes to enhancing connection in the bedroom, sometimes the best-kept secrets are also the most misunderstood. Rimming—often called analingus—tends to be whispered about rather than openly discussed, yet it’s been practiced in cultures around the globe for centuries. This intimate act, when done with care and mutual respect, can create a level of trust and closeness that few other experiences match. Even as sex positivity becomes more mainstream, rimming still feels thrillingly taboo and uniquely personal, offering couples a way to bond deeper both physically and emotionally.
The History and Cultural Views of Rimming
If you think rimming is new or niche, history says otherwise. Ancient Roman erotic art depicted analingus in vivid detail, and writings from South America’s Moche culture openly celebrated the act. Fast-forward to the present: modern Western society has only recently started to reframe the conversation around anal pleasure. Old taboos and outdated myths have made many people hesitant, but changing attitudes are shining more light on why couples are exploring this more. TV's "Sex Education" even featured a rimming storyline to normalize consent-based, nonjudgmental conversation about it. Across surveys in the US, UK, and Australia, over 25% of adults in long-term relationships said they'd tried rimming at least once, showing it’s not as rare as you might think.
Cultural context plays a big role. In Japan, rimming—called "anaru sekkusu" in some modern media—gained attention as a kinkier add-on to regular sex. In Brazil, it's woven into certain subcultures as a passionate sign of affection. It’s only in some more conservative societies that it's still seen as off-limits or unethical. The internet, forums, and sex-positive podcasts have pulled back the curtain, helping people weigh curiosity against tradition and stigma. For couples in urban centers like London or New York, it’s becoming just another playful part of the ever-expanding sexual menu. When communication is open and nonjudgmental, rimming transforms from a hush-hush topic into a tool for connection and trust.
Health, Safety, and Hygiene: Busting Myths with Facts
Before trying anything new, safety always comes first. People sometimes worry about hygiene or the risk of infections. Here’s what science actually says. Our mouths and our anal areas both carry bacteria, so skipping basic hygiene isn’t wise. Experts recommend showering beforehand or using wet wipes to clean thoroughly. Dental dams—a super-thin barrier—can help reduce the risk of germs or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). They sell these at most chemists, but an unflavored, non-latex condom cut down the side can work in a pinch. According to the British Sexual Health and HIV Association (BASHH), good prep drops the risk of infection dramatically.
Talking facts: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that rimming is associated with a slightly higher risk of oral transmission for certain bacteria, but with the right precautions, you’re more likely to catch a cold from kissing—seriously. Gargling and brushing teeth before or after isn’t helpful, as it can cause tiny mouth cuts that raise risk, so wait at least thirty minutes after brushing before any mouth-to-bum action. For couples who want added assurance, the stats are actually comforting: The vast majority of rimming-related infections are minor, like temporary stomach bugs, and rarely serious when proper care is taken.
| Health Measure | Risk Reduction (%) |
|---|---|
| Using a dental dam | 80+ |
| Showering beforehand | 95 |
| Open, honest STI talk | 75 |
Stigma often clouds judgment. People assume rimming is unhygienic or “dirty,” when, in reality, bodies are only as clean as we keep them. If you’re prone to digestive upsets, skip spicy foods and coffee before a rimming session—they’re known culprits for surprising after-effects. Hydration also helps keep that area naturally fresh, according to Harley Street health practitioners. Simple tips, solid science, and the right prep make rimming a safe, exciting way to connect.
Rimming as a Route to Trust and Emotional Intimacy
Here’s what stands out about rimming: It’s not just about pleasure; it’s about vulnerability and trust. You have to let your guard down, communicate openly, and be attuned to each other’s signals in a way that sexier, mainstream acts don’t demand. From surveys in relationship therapy practices across Europe, couples who reported incorporating new, slightly "taboo" forms of intimacy—like rimming—tended to describe greater relationship satisfaction, even outside the bedroom. The willingness to try something unconventional signals mutual respect and adventurousness, strong foundations for long-term trust.
After the first enthusiastic yes, things get easier. Rimming can be an act of service—showing your partner you care about their comfort, pleasure, and desires. An Oxford relationship study in 2024 found that couples who prioritized their partner’s pleasure were 30% more likely to report higher emotional closeness. The takeaway? Giving yourself over to your partner’s needs (without crossing your boundaries!) fosters the kind of connection that deepens over time.
Another big plus is the focus on consent. Because rimming isn’t usually covered in traditional sex education, people have to discuss boundaries openly—an amazing habit to build in any relationship. When one partner expresses curiosity and the other listens (without judgment), it sets the tone for other meaningful conversations down the line. In my own coaching, it’s often these simple talks that unlock more joy, less resentment, and a whole lot of giggles in the process.
Technique and Communication: Making Rimming Pleasurable for All
Amazing experiences don’t happen by accident—they’re created together. Before anything else, check in about comfort levels and boundaries. "Do you want to try this?" and "How do you want to be touched?" go a long way. The person receiving should always have the right to change their mind at any time. If nerves creep in, remember: Most people feel self-conscious the first go-round, but that usually fades once trust is established.
Technique matters more than most think. Start slow and gentle: light kisses around the area, teasing touches over the cheeks, and letting anticipation build. For the giver, keeping your tongue soft (not stiff!) helps make the sensation warm and inviting. Circling motions or light flicks can be incredibly arousing. Use hands for extra support or playful squeezing, and pay attention to your partner’s responses—moans, sighs, or body language tell you what feels best. Flavored, body-safe lubes can boost comfort and make oral even more enjoyable. For those with longer hair, tying it back helps you stay in the moment (nobody wants a stray strand spoiling the vibe).
Try switching it up with positions: lying on the stomach, doggy style, or even with the receiver’s legs spread on the edge of the bed. Pillows help support hips and back, making longer sessions more relaxed. If you want to give your jaw a break, alternate between tongue, lips, and even gentle blowing (the skin there is muscle-rich, making even subtle sensations pop). Check in with a simple “This feel good?” or “Should I slow down?” Real talk? Most people want to be seen and desired, and giving enthusiastic verbal feedback does wonders for intimacy. For nervous newbies, start clothed with over-the-underwear kisses, then build up as comfort grows.
- Agree on a safe word or signal in advance—something easy, like “yellow” or tapping the mattress.
- Never rush into penetration—focus on external pleasure at first.
- Trim nails and avoid skeletal jewelry; rings or sharp bits can scratch sensitive skin.
- Use water-based lubes for safety with latex barriers like dental dams.
Pro tip: If you’re ever unsure, ask! Nothing kills nerves faster than honest, playful curiosity. Over-prepare, not under—and treat it as a mutual adventure, not a performance.
Expanding Connection: How Rimming Fits in the Broader Intimacy Landscape
Why does rimming stick in people’s minds? It’s not just the feeling. It’s because doing something a little "out there" together can make your connection feel tighter and more exclusive—like you’re sharing an in-joke that’s just for you. Sex therapists from London’s Harley Street say acts that require trust, like rimming, boost levels of oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” which makes couples feel close even after the act is over. When you treat intimacy as a playground full of options—rather than a list of rules—both you and your partner are free to communicate needs, experiment, and strengthen your bond.
Rimming can be a gateway to other new experiences. Once a couple conquers an initial “no way, not me!” boundary, other doors open. It’s not unusual to hear about couples who, after rimming, become more comfortable talking about toys, fantasies, or role play. In other cases, it might just be a one-off adventure that reminds both people they’re free to ask for what they want without shame. For a lot of us, that freedom is a huge win.
It’s easy to get hung up on myths or what’s “normal.” But intimacy thrives on honesty and shared curiosity. If rimming becomes something you both enjoy, fantastic. If not, that’s valid too! The main thing is that you’re talking, exploring, and discovering together. Out of all the ways to build connection, a little openness and playfulness often go a lot further than fancy bedroom tricks. So go slow, talk lots, and remember: the sexiest thing you can bring to bed is your whole, authentic self.
